It was formulated by one Jeremy Clarkson that you could tell a lot about a person from what he drives. Applying this formula in Malaysia for instance, if one drives a Mercedes E-class, he’s probably well-off but showy and plain boring; if he drives a C-class however, he was until recently a common joe but has just made his first million, showy and plain boring. If one drives a BMW with 18 inch rims, well the person is probably into MLM. If a person drives a Korean make, than he’s probably making more than the bloke in the Gen-2 but not making enough to buy a proper Japanese. If a person drives a Japanese than he’s probably dull, doesn’t think much of cars, practical and would even be calculative with how much he spends for his own lunch, down to every single cent.
You’d now probably be thinking of how utterly rubbish and untrue this is- And you’re probably right, and to be perfectly honest, I do too despite having to crack my head for an hour thinking of how best to apply Mr. Clarkson’s formula to us Malaysians. It may be true from where Mr. Clarkson is standing but down here, the formula is about as unswerving as a drug addict and unreliable as the ETP, thanks to our ridiculous tax structure and automotive policy, a car can tell us nothing more about a person save for probably how much the person earns… which frankly speaking would interest me as much an Indonesian drama would- Zilch!
So without taking cars out of the equation, I’ve devised a better formula; a formula that’s more simple and better suited for Malaysians, and here it goes… ‘you can tell a lot about a person from how he parks his car’. And it works… brilliantly!
If you see a guy and his family of three frantically crying small children and a wife carrying the load of children’s essentials walking towards Ampang Point after parking his car under the scorching sun undoubtedly for free despite having ample covered basement parking for a fee course, than he is an inconsiderate and cheapskate retard. You might as well call the Welfare Department and get them to pick the children up because he’s probably starving them to death and not schooling them as well. The more expensive the car he drives, the more inconsiderate and cheapskate he is and all the more reason for you to call the Welfare Department.
If you see a car parked right at the exit of a bus U-turn of an LRT station (for free definitely), than that person is a self righteous, selfish and dimwitted fart. Because it’s obvious that in five minutes time there’s going to be a massive traffic jam because a bus is unable to complete the U-turn because of his car. The cheaper the car, the more he is a self righteous, selfish and dimwitted fart. You see, if it was say a Mercedes S-class or BMW 7 series or better still a Bentley Arnage, the person can’t really be faulted for parking his car in such manner as that person is likely to be quite important and therefore has the right to be self righteous, selfish and dimwitted and therefore worth the traffic jam. He is practically justified! Further more, the odds that the car is being driven by a chauffeur is very likely in which case you can’t expect too much from the chauffeur because the chauffeur himself probably drives a Kancil in which case putting into practice the above formula, the chauffeur is the most self righteous, selfish and dimwitted fart.
If you see a Proton Persona nicely and properly parked right on the mark of the parking box which the owner has paid for, than the owner of the Proton Persona is likely to be a considerate, responsible, wise and flowered with all the other virtues possibly bestowed on a man. He is straighter than the straightest ruler and he is therefore loved by friends and family- But he would probably drive a Proton Persona (or its equivalent) for the rest of his life because to be able to afford anything more than a Proton Persona, he’d have to be inconsiderate and a cheapskate and/or self righteous, selfish and dimwitted in both daily life and work, because cars are just so expensive here. We’re lucky enough that we didn’t have to sell our kids to buy one!
But all is not lost though as Mr. Persona will eventually travel on a Toyota to his final destination albeit a van and because he is not an inconsiderate and cheapskate retard nor a self righteous, selfish and dimwitted fart, he will be fondly remembered by friends and family in their prayers.
No comments:
Post a Comment